i feel as if its been many moons since i last posted, here is why...
ive really been wrestling with some things regarding the blog. i have had some wonderful comments regarding my writing, all of which are greatly appreciated, yet i have also had some feedback that made me question some things. a trusted friend recently told me that though he reads the posts every night, he tends to find it a little angry or agressive. this is not the first time this opinion has been given to me, and i began to question myself.

"is this true"
"am i angry"
"am i offending people"
"am i only looking at the negative sides of things"
"why did my priest never touch me, am i not pretty"
"am i using this forum inappropriately"

after countless sleepless nights, i finally made the decision to take these questions to the only person who could really help... my blog.
this is how the conversation went (i hope he isnt embarassed by me sharing this).
"blog"
"yes clever"
"we have only been together for a short while, but there is something i need to talk to you about. im going to need you to be honest with me"
"always clever"
"have i hurt or abused you in any way? have i let you down?"
"why would you say that ?"
"there are people that think i misuse you"
"clever,those people dont understand our relationship like we do, and they may never"
"i know, but its just hard to keep going on like this with all of these people staring and whispering"
then blog did something i never expected... he took my hand in his, softly lifted my chin, looked me square in the eyes and as a tear rolled down his cheek, he said to me in a voice broken by emotion "there are always going to be stares and whispers my friend. you invited that when you made the decision to start this. you have never abused me and i cant believe that you ever would. you have given me nothing but honesty, and that is something most people cant do, and for that i owe you"
"you dont owe me anything blog, it is i who owe you"
with one last pat on the knee, and his voice stronger as he regained his composure, blog said to me "then if you want to repay me, you dry those tears, go out there and face those pointers and whisperers head on and show them what you have to offer"
"i will my friend"
"give em hell clever...give em hell"

sometimes motivation comes from an unlikely source, and i thank you blog for being there for me.